How to be solid?
In order to be solid I chose to sacrifice my selfishness. I chose to make a promise to myself that I will return what they had given to me and fulfill their expectation. Partly, I agree to chose this path too. I hope after all of these, maybe a few years later, I will be solid. I'm able to stand strong, to take more risks and consider more consequences just based on my own, and also receive my happiness and satisfaction the way that I want to be. I chose to be in the shape of creating-and upgrading my value, because it is still confusing for me about how far my value is worth through people's eyes. Do I deserve this? Do I deserve to be treated that way? And the way to get out is to get through. The past two years feels like an auto-pilot mode where the suffering and suffocating feelings are so vivid in my mind. Although, there are also some satisfying moment, cheerful real feelings that arise for a while, even it didn't last long. Still trying to accept it though, and s...